Personal stories, Updates

Where’s Scylla Been???

Hey cool kids!

So I’ve been AFK for sure for the last few weeks. I’d love there to be a profound reason, like I was busy doing this or that, but the fact is, I’ve just been so depressed I haven’t been doing anything. I tell myself constantly that depression isn’t an excuse to be unproductive, and I truly and honestly believe that. Yet, here I am, not blogging, not making Let’s Play videos. I literally just sit at home, procrastinating applying for jobs and not working on anything like I should be. I’m ashamed of myself and honestly, I don’t feel like I have a valid excuse.

I haven’t even been taking care of myself. Most days I stay in my pajamas and I wish I could say that showering and basic hygiene were the norm. Most of the time I feel disgusted with myself and my body and I wonder what the point of any of it is.

The only upside lately is getting to spend time with Wyatt and Tara. Wyatt annoys the shit out of me, but I love him to death and it’s fascinating to watch him grow. Tara does her best to make sure that I don’t die and without her I don’t know what I’d do. She’s the only person I talk to anymore for the most part and I guess there’s no one to blame for that but myself. I just feel like a failure. I’ve failed at Georgia Tech, I’ve failed to keep up with my projects and work. I’m pretty sure I’m a failure as a mother, too.

Anywho, this blog isn’t really meant to be for ranting about personal stuff, but if anyone has been wondering where I’ve been, that’s about it.


let's play, Personal stories

Community Service: 2 weeks at the Food Pantry

Hey cool kids,

I finally finished my community service on Wednesday (11/22) and I thought I’d go ahead and share what the experience was like.

So to start with, I was required to do 80 hours of community service after I was given a reckless driving citation in June. (If you want to hear more about that, let me know in the comments and I’ll gladly share that experience with you). I put off doing the community service until this month partly due to procrastination and partly because I justified working full-time and going to school part-time as not having enough time to do it (even though I was free on weekends). Anywho, this continued until this past month, when I left everything in GA in a rather dramatic fashion to spend more time with my family and work on personal things, like this blog.

lancaster food pantry

So fast forward, with Tara’s (my partner) help, we found a food pantry here in Lancaster that allowed me to work as much as I wanted a week. We arranged everything and the next day I went in after dropping Wyatt off at school. Well, surprise! When I get there I find out it isn’t just a food pantry, no, it in fact is a Lutheran run food pantry. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing really to say about Lutherans in particular. I’ve heard some less than ideal talk about them in the past, but it was so insignificant to me that I don’t even remember what I heard. So there I am, walking in wearing a black women’s sweater, skinny jeans, and boots. I check in with the volunteer coordinator, Carin, and of course she’s using my legal name. I’ll admit, at this point I was too nervous to tell her that I was trans (given the Lutheran bit) so¬†I literally just went along with her calling me my birth name. So yea.

So there’s the setup, I spent 2 weeks pretending to be a boy. It wasn’t horrible, but I will say that it started to get to me after the first week. It’s never easy to get incorrectly gendered, and having it happen for a whole 2 weeks because you’re afraid sucks even more. I had a lot of issues trying to find clothes, because for the most part, I don’t have any “Manly” clothing anymore. I had some t-shirts and jeans, but even my shoes were hard because my only sneakers are pink/purple. The only plus side to it all was not needing to shave every day, but after awhile it started to make me feel disgusted with myself and really dysphoric.

Image result for lss food pantry thanksgiving

As far as the actual food pantry work, it was pretty monotonous. Every day I’d go in and restock the shelves with food from the warehouse. Then I’d clean the floors and bathrooms. By this time it would normally be around 9am and the pantry didn’t open to the public until 11am, so I would either clean up, help do some busy work, or just sit on my phone. All of the people I met there and that worked there were really nice, though many of them weren’t very helpful during the day because they were old as dirt. Of course that makes sense since the only people who have time to volunteer at places like the food pantry are old retired people.

Anywho, while there wasn’t a lot going on while I worked, I did meet some “interesting” people. One guy, I swear, was high as shit when he was working. He works on Fridays and his name is Mike. He spent the whole time we were working talking about how he’s a thief and how the pantry was “Like Mecca” to him. Then he went on about how he loves to take steaks and other donated meat from the freezers home with him because “It gets me [Mike] tons of pussy”. If you couldn’t tell, he had a ton of respect for women.

Another guy, also named Mike (maybe it’s a trend?) was kind of the same way. All he did when he volunteered was try to find food he could take home with him. That was literally his only reason for being there. Then, when we got a donation from the local prison (it was a bunch of confiscated food from prisoners) he got super excited and kept reminiscing about his time in prison. Personally I don’t get it. I used to eat tons of MREs, but I definitely would not be excited to have any if someone donated a box.

Now at this point you’re probably wondering: did Scylla take anything? I’ll be honest with you, yes I did. Some of the meat that was donated had holes in the packaging and was going to be thrown out even though it was good. So I took that home. I also took home bread that was donated that was going to be thrown out before it could all be used. I don’t feel guilty about it because for one, I wasn’t bragging about taking it, two it was going to be thrown out and wasted, and three, I’m poor as fuck. So if you want to judge me, go for it.

Wrapping this all up, I would definitely say that I didn’t hate my experience doing my community service at the food pantry. Even though it wasn’t great, I got to help a lot of people and I genuinely feel like I did something productive. I even plan to go volunteer there once in awhile now that I’m done, though admittedly it won’t be anything consistent or anything. I would encourage anyone reading this to consider volunteering when they have free time once in awhile, too. It really does feel good to help other people (or animals if that’s what you’re doing) and I personally feel that I can sacrifice playing video games for a couple of hours to do it ever now and then. That being said, here’s another Battle Chef Brigade Let’s play-

let's play, Updates

Holiday update and Battle Chef Brigade Let’s Play

Hey cool kids!

So Thanksgiving was yesterday and like with everyone else, mine was super stressful! I went to Tara’s (my partner) mom’s for lunch meal, then her dad’s for “Dinner”. The food was pretty good, but it was really awkward trying to hold conversations with people who:

a) Don’t understand me being trans

b) Hated my guts until earlier this year

c) I have nothing in common with other than my son and partner

I didn’t do anything with my family because they either live in other states or didn’t invite me. Still, I definitely feel like I’ve had worse Thanksgivings and I’m thankful that it went as well as it did.

As far as blog posts go, I was going to do a post on gun control with my opinions on it and the opinions of other people, but getting people to agree and getting different view points was more difficult than I had anticipated. Once things settle down a bit, I’ll probably give it another shot, but until then, please be satisfied with this garbage.

I do, however, have some exciting news about my book! No, I haven’t accomplished anything major with it, but I did finally figure out how magick is going to work in the world. I won’t spoil anything, but I will say that it is going to make writing characters casting spells a lot harder for me to write.

Finally, there’s some Battle Chef Brigade news from me! I’m officially one of the moderators for the Battle Chef Brigade Reddit, an honor given to me after someone called me out for all my leader board scores on twitter. I’m stoked to get to be part of the community now that I’m not working on the game and really hope to help the game grow as a consumer. That being said, here’s my shameless plug about my most recent Let’s Play!

let's play

Let’s Play – Battle Chef Brigade – Chapter 2 Part 1 + Daily Cook-off

Hey losers!

So today’s video I go through the first day of BCB’s second chapter. The day is a lot of jobs, talking, and tutorials, and I get through it fairly quickly. Starting on this day, we get to choose an opponent to duel against in the tournament. My personal favorite for the first day is Shiv, mostly because I like her salty demeanor.

Finally, after I finish up the first day of chapter 2, I hit up the Daily Cook-off challenge to teach the kids who’s boss. I started in 4th place from an attempt earlier, and pulled back to the top of the leader board with a score of 785. Anywho, if you enjoy my work, subscribe to the channel and like the video!


let's play

Let’s Play – Battle Chef Brigade – Chapter 1

Hey cool kids!

So I know I uploaded a Life is Strange: Before the Storm video today, but today was the release of one of my favorite games, Battle Chef Brigade! Battle Chef Brigade (BCB) is a platforming/gem matching game developed by Trinket Studios and published by Adult Swim Games that follows aspiring chefs Mina and Thrash as they try to become members of the elite Battle Chef Brigade.

As a disclosure, I did work as a QA tester for the game before its release, so I have played it extensively earlier this year, but this is the first I’ve seen of the final release I’m super excited to play through it with everyone.

let's play

Let’s Play – Life is Strange: Before the Storm Episode 2 – Part 2

Hey cool kids!

Just uploaded the second part to my Life is Strange: Before the Storm Episode 2 Let’s Play. It was a thrilling episode and I really enjoyed it. Chloe and Rachel have gotten closer (thanks to my amazing skills) and I’m hella hyped for Episode 3 to come out. Anywho, the video is below, so check it out and leave a like if you enjoyed it!

let's play

Let’s Play – World of Warcraft: Forsaken High Command (Silverpine Forest)

Hey cool kids!

New Let’s Play – World of Warcraft is out now! I’m a little late uploading it because I worked late and then was doing family stuff, but here it is! In the video I play through one of my favorite quest chains, the Forsaken High Command. If you’ve never seen it before, it’s pretty interesting and was implemented back in Cata days. Anywho, here it is!