Early Childhood

I’ve been wondering how in depth I should get with this part of my life. I wonder, because it’s normal for human memories to become diluted as time passes. I’m going to share what I consider the highlights of this time period.


I was born on February 10, 1990 in Rochester NY. I spent the first month of my life in the NCU since I was born a month early. From what they tell me, I had a heart murmur too, but I’ll be honest, I don’t have a clue how relevant that is to my life.

I spent the first few years of my life with my mother before at the age of 2 or 3 she left me in the care of a foster family. I was fortunate; my foster family was a good family and I did not have to endure many of the hardships and abuse that I’ve seen other children experience in foster care. I lived with my foster family for several years, and to be honest, it was a great point in my life. During this time period I taught myself to read by watching tons of PBS and I was introduced to Sonic and Golden Axe which was the spring board for my current video game addiction. The other children in the house were mostly adopted and many had been born with problems much worse than mine. Several were mentally handicapped, one of them so much that she is in a wheelchair and even to this day has the mental capacity of a toddler. I always have fond memories of this place because it was probably the most loving environment I have ever lived in. Oh, side note, living there is also where I grew to love Star Trek: Next Generation.


About the time for Kindergarten, my mom came back (my parents visited once in awhile while I was with my foster family but it was very rare). I had a sister now too. The first time I remember meeting her was when my mom picked me up to move to Virginia with her.

Life in Virginia wasn’t particularly exciting. There were a few highlights, most of which were highlights of my mother’s poor parenting skills. She wasn’t abusive or anything, just a terrible parent. Time skip forward to the end of the school year and we moved back to NY because I wanted to see my dad. He had just graduated college and was living with my soon to be step-mother in a shitty little apartment. Anywho, so we moved back to upstate NY and that summer was the first time I can remember where looking back, I realize how messed up of a kid a was.

That summer, one of my cousins (a girl) came to visit from NYC. We played and did normal kid things, but after a few days, things got weird.

*Warning: If you keep reading that’s on you.*

Somewhere in my 6 year old brain, I came up with a game called “Sex or Die”. The premise of the game was as simple as it sounds. Either we have sex or you die. I should note that at this age, I had no idea what sex actually was and I thought it was just rubbing up again one another. Regardless, my cousin and I played this game. She always chose sex and we’d end up rubbing up against one another in my closet or some stupid stuff like that (it wasn’t even genital rubbing. Literally like intense hugging).


Well one day, we had a pool set up in the backyard. The pool was one of those plastic kid pools with a crappy slide built into it. My cousin and I were playing with the water and doing normal kid stuff when for some reason I started the game. I looked at her and said “Sex or Die?”. For the first time she actually responded with “Die.” So, going through with the rules of the game, I grabbed the back of her head by the hair and shoved her face in the pool and attempted to drown her.

The only reason my cousin is alive is because at one point in her struggling she got her head above the water and screamed, which alerted my mom. My mom rushed out and saved her. From that point I don’t remember much other than my cousin crying and my mom drying her off and consoling her.

From what my sister says, none of my cousins are horribly traumatized by anything, so thankfully my actions didn’t have a huge impact on my cousin. Still, it makes me question why I did it whenever I think about it. Also, if you’ve read this, don’t worry, my anecdotes get even more fucked up.


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